Awaken (March 7, 2009 posting)

I caught myself reminiscing today about an odyssey in understanding my reality. I'm not sure at what age exactly this question became the center of my thoughts, it almost seems like its always been there, just in different forms. What question you might ask? The meaning of life, an age old question that many philosophers and clergy try to explain to those who ask. Experiencing religion as a child at first was a bit terrifying. A story of an all loving God who is the creator of all things and an fallen angel who wants your soul to burn in hell forever. I remember asking my parents, friends, even Sunday school teacher , how long is forever? I couldn't wrap my mind around their answers, they kept using other words with similar meanings, eternity, infinite and endless. That's around the time when I realized that adults were as confused as I, what a dreadful outlook. My family went from catholic to non-denomination around my early teens and to be honest it was a bit refreshing. This pastor made sense, he was entertaining and was passionate about his beliefs. I told myself I want to be a pastor. I started reading and studying the bible every chance I got. My parents seemed kinda happy and worried about the dedication I was putting in. Why worried? Well every weekend as a young kid I would beg to go to the library and I would find books about spies, ninjas or astronauts, I kept changing my mind because I would lose interest and want to learn about something else. So they figured a pastor was just a phase I was going through and were worried that I act “weird”. The more I read the bible the more confused and frustrated I was. I think I was a smart kid and this book had no proof of a divine creator, just a bunch of people's stories. I expected this book to be.... magical comes to mind. I thought God was the author, not even close.

A long story short, I took the book in faith just like everyone has done since its creation. I could write pages and pages about my opinions about religion , make note I said opinions, doesn't mean they are right or that I believe yours are wrong. Leaving Christianity was difficult to say the least. In short I would have to accept the fact that if I was wrong about Christianity, I was going to hell. This very fact keeps many people in the Christianity faith but not fully dedicated. They don't fully believe or agree with everything that is written but are afraid of the consequences if they renounce their current believes. I hope I don't offend anyone, this isn't my intention. I'm not saying one religion is right or wrong, people who are truly happy with their religion and my recent awakening are in the same boat, its the people who are in between that need the most help, either in their current religion or find a purpose that works for them. Religion like love is intangible and should never be defined but only experienced. I fell into a type of depression for a lack of a better word. There was a short period of happiness for me when you don't have to worry about going to hell, which a lot of atheists would agree with me. Happiness didn't last long. Just because I knew I wasn't going to an eternal fire didn't mean the question in my mind went away. I still had to understand my purpose or place in the universe.

I looked at other religions but they didn't do much better in answering my question then my past religions. Buddhism came close but still failed. It wasn't until I looked at all the religions where I noticed a trend. That topic in itself will take a lot of explaining which I intend to do at some point. Many people like to ignore this question, I believe its unhealthy. No one can disagree with me that balance isn't important in all aspects of our life. Everything from drug treatment doses to running down the road incorporates balance. My awakening was a process of years and years of struggling through drugs, alcoholism and religious confusion to fill the voids I had in my life. The nature of my awakening is experienced by Buddhist, Christians, Muslims.. etc even atheists. Back to the concept of balance, you probably heard the phases body, mind and soul. Don't think of it as some new age way of thinking or hip yoga philosophy. The concepts of body, mind and soul can be dated as far backed as to the written language. The key idea here, is once you get this balance of your body, mind and soul, the answer to the meaning of life is found. Sorry to sound mysterious or cryptic but this experience is unique to the individual and I don't want to leave anyone out here. So you might be asking yourself , how to I obtain balance, or what do you mean by body or mind and soul. Body is not so much health as others might lead you to believe. When I say body I mean the acceptance of your body in what ever condition it might be in. I'm not saying be happy that you are overweight because most obesity is lack of control. Be happy with your sex, your skin color, your height. Hold your head up high, you should be proud of your body, its yours and only yours. Our mind in my opinion is our greatest gift. Its shear power is breath taking. Yes our brain allows us to function as biological systems but mind in the aspect of balance should be seen as thought. Thought is the seed of all action. Its only our thoughts that define who we are.

I really wish I could get into more detail on these concepts, my original plan was to just write down a brief overview of how I see life today in contrast to my other blogs, which aren't totally thrown out the window but more positive. Every letter written or thought imagine is apart of my journey that must be respected. Lastly is soul, which could be called passion or purpose. Everything from animals and humans to computer programs have purpose or their place in the universe. If you believe your purpose is Muslim or Buddhism, so be it. If your passion is science or a spiritual connection with nature, so be it. Its not until you balance all these aspects of life together will you ever experience enlightenment. Time and space seem to play at your own tune, you are living in a single moment which consist of every moment that has ever existed and ever will.