One Minute Storytelling 9-13-10

With star light stretching through the morning sky, I saw something fluttering on the ground. Kneeing down I took a closer look at the insect, it was a moth. The moth was trying to flip itself over so that it could get in position to take lift. While staring at this tiny creature my mind began to wonder. Should I flip this spotted aero-creature over or let it be? My eyes noticed more movement near the moth; ants were marching toward this helpless creature, dinner for thousands! Still swimming in my ocean of thoughts the ants started to surround the insect there was no escape. If one would try to follow the circumstances on how I or the insect got to cross paths would surely lose their marbles. Time travel has proved this claim. Using a wooden stick as a substitute for my fingers, I brought gravity upside down for the sky creature, evidently lift wasn’t achieved. I picked up a nearby stone that hadn’t been touched by sunlight it was still cool and wet. “Stay in motion”, I whispered. Muscles twitching, my energy transfers into the stone enough to sever the moth. The marching soldiers had regrouped and started to swarm the now motionless insect. Laughter had overwhelmed my senses because time traveling had become exhausting and this decision had been playing over indefinitely in space and time with never the same result.

One Minute Storytelling 8-20-10

Conversation with a fly:
A fly has been living in my car for three days. We had an interesting conversation today when I mention how he felt about having a lifespan less than a month. He couldn't understand the concept of months, days or even death, no matter how scientific I got. He said "Don't worry friend, your species has a individualism perception about reality. What you call death and time are just motion, decay and a rotating star of gas are nothing but motion. Change is certain." What I could only describe as "fly laughter" came from this tiny creature as he smashed into my side window as fast as a fly could, I would presume. Lifeless on my dashboard, I didn't see a dead fly but saw the universe shifting.

Time Travel:
During lunch, an old man with a familiar face was staring strangely at me with a twisted smile and for a minute he was me time traveling from the past with an urgent message. He said nothing but he didn’t have to because I was sure this was my 3rd attempt at telling myself something about the future that is better not known.

One Minute Storytelling

I decided to keep myself in the habit of writing more often by introducing a series of posts called one minute storytelling. I will come up with mini stories that will allow the reader to question reality and how our mind works.

Day One: First 12 hours

Fasting is the act of willingly abstaining from some or all food, drink, or both, for a period of time. I have been fasting by only drinking water annually for five years and will continue to do it until my last days. Some of you might ask yourself why would I, well it’s a combination of things. I like to believe I'm a very strong willed person and at times I like to test my will power but it’s so much more than that. It's the experience between my body and mind that is a bit hard to explain. Nonetheless I will try my best to give you the insight I obtain in hopes others could learn more about the mind. Medically fasting is 12 hours or more, 12 hours has past and so my journey begins.......

I awoke this morning not particularly any hungrier than the morning before but the sensation to grab breakfast was present. Normally breakfast for me consist of breakfast shakes, cereals and biscuits. We been told breakfast is the most important meal of the day and many people skip it, I have never been one of those people, except for today of course. I drank about 2 cups of water and headed to work. Hunger hasn't really hit me physically but mentally I find myself thinking about snacking and of lunch. I have been drinking a lot of water because like many times before cotton mouth is a side effect of your body running low on energy. One time I fasted for 4 1/2 days and I started to get white spots on my skin which I read was normal. My body is using its reserves and in about 6 hours the headaches and stomach pains will commence. This struggle between my body and mind has to do with the fact that my body needs energy to function and choosing not to give it what it needs, I get to understand where these needs arise from which are separate from let’s say eating because I'm depressed or bored etc.

Next posting Day One: 20-hour in

Why should I be sad?

Last couple of days I found myself preoccupied with thoughts of the future and past.I have been getting better at living in the moment but out of curiosity I drifted from this philosophy momentarily. Like a drug addict in relapse I missed the chemical fix I would get from dwelling in emotions of despair and loneliness. Suffering seems to bring out this aliveness out of us while happiness does it just as well. Chaos, unpredictability, curiosity; show me the way into discontentment. Sitting on a bench, happiness overwhelmed me. It was that very second I got back into the moment and realized the answer to my troubling question. Its the sense of contentment that we must avoid at all cost for it will leave you feeling lifeless, a gear in a ghost machine.

Romantic love and suffering

There comes a time in most people's life when they start to really like a person and this is where I want to begin. This feeling that arises when you think of this person , where does it comes from, is it being self inflicted from a lack of love or do they see themselves in another? What's more important for me at least in the mean time is how to cope with these feeling in an intelligent way. There will be times when the person does something that will give you a sense of suffering in your life. This suffering isn't created by the other person but of your own will. Let this person be themselves and don't bet your satisfaction on them because when you don't see what you want to see, suffering will flourish in your mind.

Anxiety

For about a week or so I have been having anxiety and it has been affecting all areas of my life. I was having feelings of vertigo, tension headaches, sweating a lot and numbness if my hands,arms, legs. My anxiety had gone away for a long while and started up again recently. I have been able to control it and it seems to be gone. I will try my best not to let it affect my life again.

Ego Land

Ego.-Noun the “I” or self of any person; a person as thinking, feeling, and willing, and distinguishing itself from the selves of others and from objects of its thought.

Reality seems to feed on this misconception that we all are separate in terms of our existence. We tell ourselves , these thoughts are me, no one else feels my feelings or my thoughts. This thought process allows thoughts of superiority, selfishness and violence.

Everyday I slowly kill off a piece of my ego in hopes that one day it will cease to exist and the only thing left would be compassion for all living things.

Week at End

The past couple of days have been very relaxing for me. I was able to dedicate an entire day to my meditation and mind cultivating. On Saturday,I went to the beach which I had miss dearly. Not sure what it is about the beach that I love so much, maybe its the sand or a combination of sand and ocean but what ever the reasons I feel at peace there. With the vastness of the ocean one can't help but open their mind to the endless possibilities that lie before them. Met up with some old friends and made some new ones. On Sunday I was able to reflect on my thoughts. Our thoughts have been liken to a garden, when unattended is allowed to run wild with weeds but when cultivated wisely can be a masterpiece. Without daily practice this task can get very difficult. In any moment, we can listen to our thoughts and see how cluttered and messy they can be, for example at this moment my thoughts are of hunger, work, this weekend, fear, love, despair, confusion, weather, the beach. Is it possible to get rid of unwanted thoughts like fear? Many believe its not possible but I believe we can make them insignificant. Its like a teaspoon of salt put inside a small cup of water, the cup of water is now undrinkable but that same teaspoon of salt in a river has no effect in its drink-ability. This is my goal. I want to achieve a serenity that no external energy can break. I know we all have experienced times where we are so focus on our task that time ceases to exist. We could of been busy on homework or a project at work and after some time realized that its been over two hours. If you believe that you can't meditate your wrong because you have done it before without being aware of it. I will be the first one to admit its a difficult task like any other task that isn't practiced. Use the fact that you are capable of calming your mind because you done it before. That was my motivation at first but now I'm capable of reaching deep meditation very quickly and I love it.Every week I choose an emotion or idea to meditate on and this week it will be romantic love vs unconditional love. I have revisited this many times because its a difficult concept that I must understand clearly. Any other thoughts about romantic love and unconditional love?

Starting up my Blog again and dropping facebook

First of all I would like to thank fb for giving me the opportunity to connect and reconnect with so many people. You may be asking yourself why am I leaving, well in short, I can’t stand behind what fb has become anymore and for other reasons dealing with cultivating my mind. I don’t want to sever all these ties we have made, so keep in touch by phone, email or my blog. I will post weekly and maybe even daily on my blog for those who want to keep up with my thoughts and writings. All my content has been deleted and the final deactivation will be on Monday. So that’s about it…..For everyone, if I should ever come ashore in your ocean of thoughts know that part of you is running through my synapse. http://antmatrix.blogspot.com/, antmatrix.2@gmail.com, 361-945-5558

Coming soon finished chapter 1 curious monkey.
Daily writings.

The Universe (July 2009)

The Universe is a term we use to describe our perception of everything around us. The first thing that might come to mind is the Milky Way Galaxy and yes it’s an object of the Universe but let’s focus our thoughts towards the concept of the Universe being law, regulation or even God. Our rational loves to dance with the idea of organization and procedure. We like the idea something works because that’s its function. So what is the function of the Universe? It’s simply a state of two. You can call it information bits, binary state, togetherness, interconnected or however you want to articulate it. The number two is the universal explanation for why things exist and happen. Nothing can exist alone, not us, not God, not the forces of nature. Matter must be acted upon and observe in some way and I’m not always talking about observation with sight. The true beauty of this concept will become clear throughout this book.
Trying not to get too much into quantum physics, I will attempt to explain the statement that fundamentally everything in this Universe is connected, essentially one. Remembering science class, we learned that everything is made of atoms, these tiny particles of matter. Modern science has classified even smaller particles called subatomic particles in which classic physics has a difficult time explaining using scales of very small, very large and extremely fast. Human thought also has difficulty comprehending extremes as in alpha, omega and infinite. So can we state that human curiosity is unlimited? Science accepts the big bang theory but are left asking what was before the big bang, how did the initial conditions come into existence. The same goes for religion, I would ask God, where did you come from? Most people find a comfortable place to stop asking and take everything from that point as truth. Limit your curiosity and boredom will take care of the rest. A controversy property of these subatomic particles is entanglement. Entanglement states two particles that were created together are entangled, meaning when one particle is changed the other is changed instantaneously no matter the distance between the two particles. Looking at religion and science, this statement isn’t so far fetch because religion believes that everything was created by God while science believes in the big bang being the source of all things. If everything in this Universe originated together and examining matter subatomicly provides evidence of interconnected features like entanglement, it’s safe to make the claim, we are the Universe. You might be thinking, ok maybe we are all connected? If so it sure doesn’t feel like we are and what does this have to do with understanding existence? Many people accept this concept of unity and go along their normal lives like there isn’t anything magical about our existence. I’m here to tell you, existence is the most magical phenomenon we could ever experience; we are coauthors of the Universe.
Current computer technology allows us to build a trillion transistors to simulate weather systems and display images within the scope of our imagination. Transistors are objects that can hold a charge or not hold a charge, and using these states on and off, 1 and 0, we can arrange the patterns to do anything. So why can’t our Universe be just that, a binary state. I know enough about computer science to know that those patterns of ones and zeros are pointless without an interrupter. Who is the interrupter for our reality, ourselves? The idea that we create our own reality isn’t new but has been a concept understood but not truly practiced. Creating your own reality is a very important ideology that will be explained in detail when we cover human thought. All areas of science are finding a universal truth; information can be found at the most essential level. Information is a collection of data that is meaningful. If we all are interconnected through a binary construct and information is a collection of significant stuff, logically we have an imperative role in this Universe. You matter, I matter, the bird that soars above you matters. Everything is significant economically, socially and in terms of resources. Let’s take an example of a fictional person who believes his existence isn’t important. This individual has no living family, few friends but hardly keeps in touch, in bad health and hates his job. One day he decides to write himself off, “No one would care if I was gone. The world would be a better place without me and I’m tired of living. I’m hurting inside all the time”, he claims. Suicide is looked down upon in most western cultures but respected in other eastern cultures, so what’s the verdict, is suicide a spawn of insanity or merely a confession that life isn’t worth living because life is useless suffering? Suicide is art, its fashioned where no eye can see, inside a man’s heart. His reasoning for suicide is mistaken because he is important because he is the Universe. When he doesn’t show up to work the next day, he will affect the lives of everyone at his job and the place he use to live will be occupied by others whose lives will be affected because that particular property was available. We can state this about everything he came or would come into contact with during his life. You might have heard the saying that if we would time travel into the past and killed a fly, it would change the world in the future. It’s true because we are connected, we are the Universe.
It should be clear now that our existence has purpose or function. An important aspect of our thought process is the idea we aren’t living in vain and aren’t just mammals subject to varying forces. Imagine a world where everyone believed that we are all one. I am just as connected to rocks as I am to animals and to the sun. When we help others we are helping ourselves. As a whole we could solve the world’s problems, war, poverty, disease and starvation. How could this be you may be asking? Anything is possible! Patterns of this Universe are infinite in turn, our mind’s ability to problem solve is immeasurable. The solution starts within, it’s said home is where the heart is, if this is so, we must change our old way of thought, teach our children and love ones about the beauty of our unity. A foundation being built on the Universe gives us the kindle needed to start this fire of new thought. It doesn’t matter if you are religious or not; as a whole we are interconnected in a limitless reality that gives us a meaningful existence through information that will answer our timeless philosophy questions.

Awaken (March 7, 2009 posting)

I caught myself reminiscing today about an odyssey in understanding my reality. I'm not sure at what age exactly this question became the center of my thoughts, it almost seems like its always been there, just in different forms. What question you might ask? The meaning of life, an age old question that many philosophers and clergy try to explain to those who ask. Experiencing religion as a child at first was a bit terrifying. A story of an all loving God who is the creator of all things and an fallen angel who wants your soul to burn in hell forever. I remember asking my parents, friends, even Sunday school teacher , how long is forever? I couldn't wrap my mind around their answers, they kept using other words with similar meanings, eternity, infinite and endless. That's around the time when I realized that adults were as confused as I, what a dreadful outlook. My family went from catholic to non-denomination around my early teens and to be honest it was a bit refreshing. This pastor made sense, he was entertaining and was passionate about his beliefs. I told myself I want to be a pastor. I started reading and studying the bible every chance I got. My parents seemed kinda happy and worried about the dedication I was putting in. Why worried? Well every weekend as a young kid I would beg to go to the library and I would find books about spies, ninjas or astronauts, I kept changing my mind because I would lose interest and want to learn about something else. So they figured a pastor was just a phase I was going through and were worried that I act “weird”. The more I read the bible the more confused and frustrated I was. I think I was a smart kid and this book had no proof of a divine creator, just a bunch of people's stories. I expected this book to be.... magical comes to mind. I thought God was the author, not even close.

A long story short, I took the book in faith just like everyone has done since its creation. I could write pages and pages about my opinions about religion , make note I said opinions, doesn't mean they are right or that I believe yours are wrong. Leaving Christianity was difficult to say the least. In short I would have to accept the fact that if I was wrong about Christianity, I was going to hell. This very fact keeps many people in the Christianity faith but not fully dedicated. They don't fully believe or agree with everything that is written but are afraid of the consequences if they renounce their current believes. I hope I don't offend anyone, this isn't my intention. I'm not saying one religion is right or wrong, people who are truly happy with their religion and my recent awakening are in the same boat, its the people who are in between that need the most help, either in their current religion or find a purpose that works for them. Religion like love is intangible and should never be defined but only experienced. I fell into a type of depression for a lack of a better word. There was a short period of happiness for me when you don't have to worry about going to hell, which a lot of atheists would agree with me. Happiness didn't last long. Just because I knew I wasn't going to an eternal fire didn't mean the question in my mind went away. I still had to understand my purpose or place in the universe.

I looked at other religions but they didn't do much better in answering my question then my past religions. Buddhism came close but still failed. It wasn't until I looked at all the religions where I noticed a trend. That topic in itself will take a lot of explaining which I intend to do at some point. Many people like to ignore this question, I believe its unhealthy. No one can disagree with me that balance isn't important in all aspects of our life. Everything from drug treatment doses to running down the road incorporates balance. My awakening was a process of years and years of struggling through drugs, alcoholism and religious confusion to fill the voids I had in my life. The nature of my awakening is experienced by Buddhist, Christians, Muslims.. etc even atheists. Back to the concept of balance, you probably heard the phases body, mind and soul. Don't think of it as some new age way of thinking or hip yoga philosophy. The concepts of body, mind and soul can be dated as far backed as to the written language. The key idea here, is once you get this balance of your body, mind and soul, the answer to the meaning of life is found. Sorry to sound mysterious or cryptic but this experience is unique to the individual and I don't want to leave anyone out here. So you might be asking yourself , how to I obtain balance, or what do you mean by body or mind and soul. Body is not so much health as others might lead you to believe. When I say body I mean the acceptance of your body in what ever condition it might be in. I'm not saying be happy that you are overweight because most obesity is lack of control. Be happy with your sex, your skin color, your height. Hold your head up high, you should be proud of your body, its yours and only yours. Our mind in my opinion is our greatest gift. Its shear power is breath taking. Yes our brain allows us to function as biological systems but mind in the aspect of balance should be seen as thought. Thought is the seed of all action. Its only our thoughts that define who we are.

I really wish I could get into more detail on these concepts, my original plan was to just write down a brief overview of how I see life today in contrast to my other blogs, which aren't totally thrown out the window but more positive. Every letter written or thought imagine is apart of my journey that must be respected. Lastly is soul, which could be called passion or purpose. Everything from animals and humans to computer programs have purpose or their place in the universe. If you believe your purpose is Muslim or Buddhism, so be it. If your passion is science or a spiritual connection with nature, so be it. Its not until you balance all these aspects of life together will you ever experience enlightenment. Time and space seem to play at your own tune, you are living in a single moment which consist of every moment that has ever existed and ever will.

Understanding our place in this universe(November 19, 2008)

I realized something today while trying to get to class, there might be some forces in this physical world that I can’t control or totally understand. My car’s clutch cylinder is now squirting brake fluid into my vehicle instead of helping shift gears. I went from panicking to frustration to anger and then started laughing how something so small and mechanical could change the day at hand and more than likely the near future. This incident got me thinking, should I accept these varying forces with bliss or confrontation. First I must analyze what these forces are and if they even exist without human interpretation. Not wanting to get into quantum mechanics, I will generalize the concepts as much as possible. Some forces that come to mind are gravity, wind, the sun, chemical reactions and wear and tear (my car) to name a few. These forces of nature can be managed but not controlled, so we must work with these force to find a middle ground. I can safely conclude that we are enslaved by these forces. People might tell you don’t stress on our dependence of these life sustaining forces, it’s just a histrionic anecdote it’s sophomoric. These forces must act on something because if they didn’t would we know they exist and even more so, would they exist at all. For example what is gravity if it has nothing to push? A tougher question, is gravity still there when it has nothing to act upon or anything to observe it?

There is a relationship between all these questions, 2. In a way the number 2 can be the answer to the universe instead of 42, as in the book “The hitchhiker guide to the galaxy”. Two times twenty-two gives you forty-two, so they weren’t off by that much. The number two is the universal explanation for why things exist and happen. Nothing can exist alone, not us, not God, not the forces of nature. Matter must be acted upon and observe in some way and I’m not always talking about observation with sight, things can be observed with sound, smell and touch. As human beings we think in extremes, forever, beginning, and infinite. We shape our questions the same way, where did the universe come from, where did God come from, how long is eternality? It almost seems that there is something universal about it. We can build a trillion transistors to simulate weather systems and display images within the scope of our imagination. Transistors are objects that can hold a charge or not hold a charge, and using these states on and off, 1 and 0, we can arrange the patterns to do anything. So why can’t our current reality be just that, a binary state. A binary system is a number system based on two numbers, 0 and 1. I know enough about computer science to know that those patterns of ones and zeros are pointless without an interrupter. Who is the interrupter for our reality us or God? The answer is both; everything must work in pairs (2’s). Who is God without us and who are we without God?

Taking this theory as truth for a moment, how should we now look at our enslavement to these forces? We should take great joy that we EXIST and are able to make both spiritual and physical relations with our surroundings. If you believe that our existence is over once we die, these forces might seem as a threat but they aren’t. These forces exist just like you and I, they need us as much as we need them. Death is just a change we must all make to keep our connection to the universe.

Existence (February 12, 2007)

As I search my mind to remember how the English language is used and remember where each character key is below my finger, I attempt to express my outlook of this current reality. I always enjoy looking back into memories of realizing self-worth. I remember wanting to understand everything my eyes saw, nose smelled, ears heard and hands touched. The next logical question would be why did I want to comprehend all these things? But, in fact, this will guide my thoughts into a dead end; where did existence come from? Science and religion can only explain the journey to the dead end, so no further explanation is needed. A character in a film called “Waking life” asked a very remarkable question; “Which is the most universal human characteristic, fear or laziness?” The question was left unanswered for the viewer to decide. Breaking down laziness we can state yes. I don’t do this or that because I’m lazy, but in reality what do we mean when we say that? Simply, it’s our free choice of not acting. The reasons behind why we choose not to act can be vast at the most outer layer, but that isn’t the source. Fear and fear alone is the explanation for our laziness. Consider the most recent occasion when you were lazy and keep asking yourself why and it will trace back to fear. Our fear is a characteristic that we all have but what is it exactly? Fear, is not knowing. Recall my previous statement about wanting to understand everything as a child; it can now be linked to fear. Understanding fear is only part of our reality equation, the next element is a bit more difficult; love. Throughout our history scholars, priest and poets struggled with describing love to the masses. I will summarize love by saying its knowing, the opposite of fear. Together or apart, 1 or 0, understanding or confusion, happy or hate, energy or vacuum, valid or void, attract or repel. However you want to articulate it, the truth is clear. Our existence is the process of achieving love and forgetting fear, and keeping that existence constant. Here is the explanation of life; science is the fear of nothingness and religion is the love of God. Some advice: live your life with love and no fear, be creative so you can enjoy your existence. Don’t be discouraged about our binary existence because the patterns are infinite.

Ant